I wish my penis had an off switch
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
