literally had 100 drinks last night.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
