We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
