I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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