the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you would pick up someone in the library
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
