Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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