i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it glows. i had to have it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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