thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
