am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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