he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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