Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
