Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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