no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
