The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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