I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
