when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize