Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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