New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
