you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
