You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You are a genius and a whore.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
