He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
