All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
