I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
