I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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