I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
