All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
