is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
