Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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