"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
