That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
