me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
