Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
