Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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