Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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