69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
