You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
