Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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