She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My breasts were aching with rage.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
