Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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