Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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