So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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