We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize