Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
