just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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