Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Randomize
