I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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