the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
