maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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