Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Randomize
