Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
