Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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