You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
