I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize