I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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