What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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