I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize