I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
