fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
