I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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