no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
