am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
