smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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