): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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