I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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