He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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